A Glasgow man who battled years of melancholy following the dying of his dad has launched a e book to boost consciousness about psychological well being.
Dad-of-three Stewart Patterson, 36, struggled with suicidal ideas and extreme psychological well being points after his dad Billy handed away as a consequence of a lung dysfunction aged 66.
In Moon River And Me, he paperwork the ups and downs of his journey – from the well being anxiousness of his adolescence to the toil of grief and melancholy of shedding his father, earlier than he finally sought assist from his GP.
5 years on and Stewart is in a a lot better place; he has made it his mission to foster a tradition of openness round psychological well being within the office by embarking on an HR course on the University of the West of Scotland.
“My dad had been in poor health for some time however his dying was nonetheless sudden and sudden. I used to be very near him,” he mentioned.
“He was the sweetest man – I’m grateful to have had him. His grandkids miss him a lot.
“The entire technique of planning a funeral felt so weird. You are numb with an emotional recreation face on whereas selecting a pleasant coffin or flowers. Life simply goes on and also you’re questioning what distinction it is actually making. My mum and I needed to be sturdy for one another however we struggled.”
He added: “I by no means had in poor health psychological well being earlier than that. I used to be what you’d describe as ‘tremendous and regular.’ However my dad despatched me on a descent.
“I assumed it was grief and I used to be alleged to be feeling this fashion, however I realised it had advanced into melancholy. I could not converse to anybody about it. I did not wish to be judged.
“I used to be simply getting by the day, hoping tomorrow can be a greater day, going straight to mattress after I received dwelling. I wasn’t sleeping. I used to be in a world of ache.”
Stewart, who has sons aged 14, 12 and 7 from a earlier relationship, did his greatest to remain sturdy for his household and instructed himself to “snap out of it.”
However his psychological well being deteriorated additional when he was made redundant from his job at a computing agency in 2018, weeks after getting back from compassionate depart.
Stewart was affected by suicidal ideas for months at his lowest ebb, which struck him on his commute to his new job or as he ate lunch alone by the Clyde.
He mentioned: “I used to be bombarded with these ideas. I did not recognise them as scary on the time. It felt rational to flee the ache I used to be in. It appeared like an possibility, which was clearly fairly scary now.
“I had simply began in a brand new office the place I discovered it actually tough to attach with others. I used to be simply making an attempt to get by the day with out a help community.”
He added: “At some point I opened as much as my bosses about what was happening. I cried the entire time. However chatting with them was fantastic. They spoke about their very own struggles and made me really feel like I wasn’t alone.
“Then, I went to talk to my GP and that most likely saved my life.”
Stewart was recognized with melancholy and prescribed medicine and commenced having common classes with a psychotherapist.
He was initially reluctant to take antidepressants, however recalled a second six weeks later by which he caught himself whistling whereas strolling by the workplace: “That was the second I realised the medicine was serving to. I hadn’t sang a tune in months and it was actually emotional for me. I realised I felt alright for the primary time in a very long time.”
His e book is a group of essays and personal ideas he had written over the interval of 4 years on a non-public weblog, detailing his experiences in heartbreaking element.
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He explains he tried to doc “as a lot as potential” on his rocky street to restoration and hopes the e book makes a distinction to even one particular person’s life.
“I’ve tried to be open with my sons about psychological well being,” he mentioned. “They’re very younger, however I’ve tried to encourage them to be open about their emotions.
“I bear in mind being after I was younger instructed ‘Boys do not cry.’ I hope they by no means journey the identical street I did but when they do, I am right here for them.”
He added: “I actually hope a folks supervisor or a office chief reads my e book. We do not depart psychological well being on the door once we go to work.
“I believe covid has helped put a microscope on psychological well being. I would wish to bang that drum and usher in a brand new tradition within the office particularly – that is why I selected to return to college.
“There’s extra that we are able to all do to normalise having these conversations. We’re solely right here as soon as and we must be kinder to others in addition to ourselves.”
You should purchase Moon River And Me on Amazon.